Half the company has been laid off at a stroke. I feel strangely calm, under the circumstances. I guess your priorities just come into sharp focus at such a time. Why waste time feeling angry? I have things to do. The only galling bit was to be told (in effect) that I wasn't enough of a generalist. Five years of not being specialized enough, and now this. I'm employed until the 17th, but it's mainly in service of wrapping things up. Loose ends and such. Heh. At least I'll be able to retrieve my personal files and music off my machine. The company will be reeling for years. Oh well, as I've been saying since May, Not My Problem Any More.
I'll have UI, and references, and I'm not without resources. But still. That ol' iceberg sure showed up fast, didn't it?
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Sauve Qui Peut; or, Arashi ga Kitta.
Did it bother you, needing to deal with your ex's paperwork? Asked C, over salad last Monday, wondering why I was so detached and sealed in my own head.
She was right, of course. I'd been in a foul mood all that week, and much of it had come from needing to scan and send off to L a nastygram from the BCSL people. Her payments bouncing because she hadn't put money in her account, the letters coming to me because she hadn't changed her address with them. I've warned her about this, and about her need to file taxes, but it's ultimately not my responsibility. I think she's gotten bad advice - potentially disastrous advice - on the tax front, but what can I do? Warn her yet again?
Of course, it stirs bad feelings because she owes me a little money. This has happened before, and of course I stepped in each time and did what needed to be done, but no longer.
In the scheme of these things, it's not so much. I have a friend who had his bank account cleaned out and his car stolen by his girl, (he eventually married her) and a cousin who was almost murdered by his wife for the Life Insurance (and if not for the RCMP intercepting the plot when her new lover was a little too clumsy when mail ordering poison, she might have succeded). So, perspective is helpful at staunching- or at least slowing- the curdling of feeling. And it's more the money that she doesn't owe me per se, anyways, that galls, the gifts unreciprocated the year she was away, the inability to remember my birthday, and so on. She has a gift for me, she says, that she will bring back from Korea when she comes back. Of course, she's postponed her return many times, so that only reminds me of other broken promises, so you see the problem. She says I'll see her in the Spring. Sure. But she said that last Fall, too. And then went to the Phillipines, with her lover, as it turned out.
She says, and has said, she will pay me back, and I don't doubt her sincerity or desire so much as her finances and her - well, let's just say that she and I both are bad at keeping things organized, if in different ways. We both thrived in chaos long before we met and will continue to do so as we tumble through the cosmos on our increasingly divergent paths.
But in any case, I should count on no financial help from that quarter. Certainly not in a timely fashion, or enough to change the big picture. How many early colonies or besieged cities scanned the horizon looking daily for the relief that would never come? I feel shamed, and petty, to think of it at all. But it chafes, slow and unyielding. All I want is a gesture. A card, even. Something to keep in my pocket while I cut my way out of the trap in which I've been caught. This is Stalingrad, and the snow has started to fall, and it's sixty miles of Russians and landmines between me and anything resembling safety.
So, what to do? It seems, now, that junking this job unless absolutely necessary is to be avoided. For the storm has finally come, and like most of my generation, I am still paying off the debt of 1980's educational policy. How is it that I didn't lay a solid foundation in my 20's? writes my new acquaintance the sex columnist, but of couse, almost no one our age did, because there were no careers to be had, and no one had any idea what to do about it, least of all our elders. Education is valuable for its own sake, they said, and Student Loans are a great deal. It's free money! When I hear my baby boomer colleague complaining about how kids today don't seem "passionate" about education and learning, or I read that professional flibbertygibbet Margaret Wente yack about how we've all done it to ourselves with our Student Loans and Credit Cards, I want to commit an act of violence. Or introduce them to my English Advisor, a briulliant woman who was still working as a sessional instructor in her late forties, her Phd juat allowing her to be a better class of temp.
We were all fleeced, you fools. It's a casino and the game is rigged.
Anyway, priorities. Redouble my efforts to pay down debt, whatever the cost. Perhaps a second job. Well, after the election, anyway, which will see me working as a registration officer. Anything will help. But what about all my friends, my countrymen, in worse positions than I am? I at least have options. I'm afraid for you all. Even L, rich family or not.
We have been standing and talking when we should have been running. And all my years of education may have done is let me see, clearly, what is coming, and what it means as the snowflakes start to fall, ere the snows begin to swallow us and everything we hold dear.
She was right, of course. I'd been in a foul mood all that week, and much of it had come from needing to scan and send off to L a nastygram from the BCSL people. Her payments bouncing because she hadn't put money in her account, the letters coming to me because she hadn't changed her address with them. I've warned her about this, and about her need to file taxes, but it's ultimately not my responsibility. I think she's gotten bad advice - potentially disastrous advice - on the tax front, but what can I do? Warn her yet again?
Of course, it stirs bad feelings because she owes me a little money. This has happened before, and of course I stepped in each time and did what needed to be done, but no longer.
In the scheme of these things, it's not so much. I have a friend who had his bank account cleaned out and his car stolen by his girl, (he eventually married her) and a cousin who was almost murdered by his wife for the Life Insurance (and if not for the RCMP intercepting the plot when her new lover was a little too clumsy when mail ordering poison, she might have succeded). So, perspective is helpful at staunching- or at least slowing- the curdling of feeling. And it's more the money that she doesn't owe me per se, anyways, that galls, the gifts unreciprocated the year she was away, the inability to remember my birthday, and so on. She has a gift for me, she says, that she will bring back from Korea when she comes back. Of course, she's postponed her return many times, so that only reminds me of other broken promises, so you see the problem. She says I'll see her in the Spring. Sure. But she said that last Fall, too. And then went to the Phillipines, with her lover, as it turned out.
She says, and has said, she will pay me back, and I don't doubt her sincerity or desire so much as her finances and her - well, let's just say that she and I both are bad at keeping things organized, if in different ways. We both thrived in chaos long before we met and will continue to do so as we tumble through the cosmos on our increasingly divergent paths.
But in any case, I should count on no financial help from that quarter. Certainly not in a timely fashion, or enough to change the big picture. How many early colonies or besieged cities scanned the horizon looking daily for the relief that would never come? I feel shamed, and petty, to think of it at all. But it chafes, slow and unyielding. All I want is a gesture. A card, even. Something to keep in my pocket while I cut my way out of the trap in which I've been caught. This is Stalingrad, and the snow has started to fall, and it's sixty miles of Russians and landmines between me and anything resembling safety.
So, what to do? It seems, now, that junking this job unless absolutely necessary is to be avoided. For the storm has finally come, and like most of my generation, I am still paying off the debt of 1980's educational policy. How is it that I didn't lay a solid foundation in my 20's? writes my new acquaintance the sex columnist, but of couse, almost no one our age did, because there were no careers to be had, and no one had any idea what to do about it, least of all our elders. Education is valuable for its own sake, they said, and Student Loans are a great deal. It's free money! When I hear my baby boomer colleague complaining about how kids today don't seem "passionate" about education and learning, or I read that professional flibbertygibbet Margaret Wente yack about how we've all done it to ourselves with our Student Loans and Credit Cards, I want to commit an act of violence. Or introduce them to my English Advisor, a briulliant woman who was still working as a sessional instructor in her late forties, her Phd juat allowing her to be a better class of temp.
We were all fleeced, you fools. It's a casino and the game is rigged.
Anyway, priorities. Redouble my efforts to pay down debt, whatever the cost. Perhaps a second job. Well, after the election, anyway, which will see me working as a registration officer. Anything will help. But what about all my friends, my countrymen, in worse positions than I am? I at least have options. I'm afraid for you all. Even L, rich family or not.
We have been standing and talking when we should have been running. And all my years of education may have done is let me see, clearly, what is coming, and what it means as the snowflakes start to fall, ere the snows begin to swallow us and everything we hold dear.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
The cake is a lie.
It's been strange, seeing what gets in this blog and what doesn't. No great chunks of biography, just small, often cryptic notes. For every one I write, at least three don't get written, or hang around under drafts. For four months I've been reevaluating everything, and yet my perspective keeps changing, shifting, and I keeping seeing new possibilities amid the deaths of old ones.
For example, I met someone on a personals site with an entertaining blog, who, while a curvy gal herself, has decided to date only men lighter than her. Why? because the people you hang with have an influence on what you do, and who you become. A heavy partner will make you heavier, an active one the opposite.
The horrible thing is, she's right, you know? It sounds so very cold, but on the other hand, you are what you do, and being inactive will kill you. It's not the weight, it's the lack of exercise. In May, I found myself turning away from a lot of my hobbies - gaming and so forth - because they were sedentary. Married men's hobbies, Settled hobbies. Not places to meet women. Instead I got active, hit the gym, poured energy into constructive things. And I kind of miss the craziness and the horrible energy and the not being able to sleep, because damn it, when you sleep an hour a day you get things done. And yet when I started to sleep and I started to get back to normal and see my friends again socially, what was the first thing to go? Time for exercise. And when I have gotten out and met girls? Well, I've been doing a lot of things with C, but they tend to be things like shows, and gaming. And that's not what I need. Or what she needs, either, come to think of it.
Is that really it? A choice between friends and no exercise (and an early exit), or exercise while snubbing friends?
People say that you need balance. But my life, thanks to my sedentary work that I have to drive to, is already unbalanced. My coworkers eat like birds, trying desperately not to let the job kill them. I step outside and see dozens of programmers and office types desperately jogging around the compound in their every spare moment, trying to stave off the inevitable. It's madness, all of it. And it's my life, at least for a few months yet.
Is the answer really to throw it all out? Throw it away? Renounce my deskwork and do what? Become a day labourer?
I need to throw out scads of my life, I know. May made that clear. The things that used to bring me joy suddenly turned to poison, to reminders of things that will never happen. I have a bookcase full of books about Japan, for instance, against the day I would return to Japan to work, or get that fourth year of Japanese and go work for Monbugakushoo. I could have been a Japanese bureaucrat. There might even still be time now. But I won't go back there alone, and my dream of going with her is dead. She'll go with her lover. Maybe I'll go in five years, or ten. But it's a young person's game, and so all those books have to go. I've started already. I could have been a Lawyer. Could have gotten a masters in English, or Theatre. But there's no money for such things, certainly not if you're over 30. I doubled down on a Library degree and a job with my all-but-fiancee's family, and the house won, hard.
All I can do now is simplify, and so I have been. Giving things away, selling some other stuff, giving some of her things back to her Aunt. But there is so much yet to do. I have been sleepwalking so long, and I awake from dreams, and I awake, and awake, and awake, yet never seem to reach daylight. I am a trained librarian working as an accountant, and the time has come at last, dispassionately, to weed.
Prospero or Faustus, either way, the end is the same, if you want to save yourself.
I will burn my books. Ah, Mephistophiles.
For example, I met someone on a personals site with an entertaining blog, who, while a curvy gal herself, has decided to date only men lighter than her. Why? because the people you hang with have an influence on what you do, and who you become. A heavy partner will make you heavier, an active one the opposite.
The horrible thing is, she's right, you know? It sounds so very cold, but on the other hand, you are what you do, and being inactive will kill you. It's not the weight, it's the lack of exercise. In May, I found myself turning away from a lot of my hobbies - gaming and so forth - because they were sedentary. Married men's hobbies, Settled hobbies. Not places to meet women. Instead I got active, hit the gym, poured energy into constructive things. And I kind of miss the craziness and the horrible energy and the not being able to sleep, because damn it, when you sleep an hour a day you get things done. And yet when I started to sleep and I started to get back to normal and see my friends again socially, what was the first thing to go? Time for exercise. And when I have gotten out and met girls? Well, I've been doing a lot of things with C, but they tend to be things like shows, and gaming. And that's not what I need. Or what she needs, either, come to think of it.
Is that really it? A choice between friends and no exercise (and an early exit), or exercise while snubbing friends?
People say that you need balance. But my life, thanks to my sedentary work that I have to drive to, is already unbalanced. My coworkers eat like birds, trying desperately not to let the job kill them. I step outside and see dozens of programmers and office types desperately jogging around the compound in their every spare moment, trying to stave off the inevitable. It's madness, all of it. And it's my life, at least for a few months yet.
Is the answer really to throw it all out? Throw it away? Renounce my deskwork and do what? Become a day labourer?
I need to throw out scads of my life, I know. May made that clear. The things that used to bring me joy suddenly turned to poison, to reminders of things that will never happen. I have a bookcase full of books about Japan, for instance, against the day I would return to Japan to work, or get that fourth year of Japanese and go work for Monbugakushoo. I could have been a Japanese bureaucrat. There might even still be time now. But I won't go back there alone, and my dream of going with her is dead. She'll go with her lover. Maybe I'll go in five years, or ten. But it's a young person's game, and so all those books have to go. I've started already. I could have been a Lawyer. Could have gotten a masters in English, or Theatre. But there's no money for such things, certainly not if you're over 30. I doubled down on a Library degree and a job with my all-but-fiancee's family, and the house won, hard.
All I can do now is simplify, and so I have been. Giving things away, selling some other stuff, giving some of her things back to her Aunt. But there is so much yet to do. I have been sleepwalking so long, and I awake from dreams, and I awake, and awake, and awake, yet never seem to reach daylight. I am a trained librarian working as an accountant, and the time has come at last, dispassionately, to weed.
Prospero or Faustus, either way, the end is the same, if you want to save yourself.
I will burn my books. Ah, Mephistophiles.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Monstrous Wheel
I want to write, but don't seem to get much time to really get into the details of what's going on. It's been a busy week or so; in the past 10 days I have seen (and heard from) easily 90% of the people who are dearest to me in the world, friends of twenty and even thirty years' duration, loved ones near and far, related and not.
And yet, as I settle to the end of this odd vacation, I find myself mulling the news of my friend's niece, who at 14, went to the doctor last week for a soccer injury and thanks to a random question discovered she has cancer of the bone marrow and the lymphic system, with no clear origin point.
Beautiful, athletic, sparkling. Fourteen. My niece's age.
It makes me angry, in a profound and subtle way. Words seem irrelevant, in the face of that. Except perhaps in the sense Ondaatje meant in White Dwarfs and Other Worlds, writing of the deaths of stars and mutilation of mules, of snuffing out of talents and cutting out of tongues, profoundly sad and yet refusing to surrender something to the dark, something small, human, undefined. Dignity, perhaps.
So after such an obscenity, what would I want to write of, anyway.
And yet, as I settle to the end of this odd vacation, I find myself mulling the news of my friend's niece, who at 14, went to the doctor last week for a soccer injury and thanks to a random question discovered she has cancer of the bone marrow and the lymphic system, with no clear origin point.
Beautiful, athletic, sparkling. Fourteen. My niece's age.
It makes me angry, in a profound and subtle way. Words seem irrelevant, in the face of that. Except perhaps in the sense Ondaatje meant in White Dwarfs and Other Worlds, writing of the deaths of stars and mutilation of mules, of snuffing out of talents and cutting out of tongues, profoundly sad and yet refusing to surrender something to the dark, something small, human, undefined. Dignity, perhaps.
So after such an obscenity, what would I want to write of, anyway.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Wryeclan '08
I'm recovering from the week's reunion, nursing a few insights in what used to be my maternal Grandfather's basement, reading Charles Stross' Singularity Sky while browsing on dial up and otherwise hiding out from the late-summer Alberta heat:
1) I had no idea the reunion would hammer home my new singlehood at every turn;
2) My career path seems to bear no resemblance to anything my profession has anticipated, to judge by the capricious and unreasonable demands for even the most entry-level of positions;
3) I am rapidly accumulating demands on my time, not all of which are helpful. And on That note, i get to juggle quite a few of them this weekend. Heh.
Ah well, I fly home tomorrow. All will be well. And Stross is really enjoyable.
1) I had no idea the reunion would hammer home my new singlehood at every turn;
2) My career path seems to bear no resemblance to anything my profession has anticipated, to judge by the capricious and unreasonable demands for even the most entry-level of positions;
3) I am rapidly accumulating demands on my time, not all of which are helpful. And on That note, i get to juggle quite a few of them this weekend. Heh.
Ah well, I fly home tomorrow. All will be well. And Stross is really enjoyable.
Friday, August 22, 2008
If I am so smart...
Why is it I've spent all week killing myself for my day job and various social obligations, only to now, finally having driven a stake through that project, find myself pulling an all-nighter before a 7AM flight (Bus at 430!) just so I can fire off a couple applications and maybe get some packing done. I clearly need to be doing something differently.
And one of the postings, I now see, evidently wants not merely references, but reference letters. For on call casual work with no guarntee of hours. Five years experience and I can't get an interview to answer the phones at XPL, and now this.
Why oh why did I ever enter this field? It surely seemed like a good idea at the time...
And one of the postings, I now see, evidently wants not merely references, but reference letters. For on call casual work with no guarntee of hours. Five years experience and I can't get an interview to answer the phones at XPL, and now this.
Why oh why did I ever enter this field? It surely seemed like a good idea at the time...
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
"What I'm saying is, I like you"
One interesting consequence of being attracted to intelligent women is that you sometimes find yourself hanging with people who are so smart that it makes them socially awkward, and they can be difficult to have conversation with because they find it so difficult to tone things down to your level. But when someone of that ilk takes a liking to you and wants to take you shopping for something a bit flashier, well, you just say yes, stupid, once you wrap your head around the fact she's not making fun of you. And try not to feel too much like a tongue-tied adolescent when you're around her. It's strange how many of us were shy growing up, now that we strut around in enough leather and harness to outfit a Roman legion, but there you are.
LadyFlourine has a boyfriend, has her pick of play partners, (all of whom are as intimidated as I am) and that awkwardness makes her hard to converse with, and yet somehow she sees something of interest here, and just wants to hang out and do normal things. She also gets a glint in her eye talking about piercings and eyeing my virginal skin, but she's just joshing.
...I think?
LadyFlourine has a boyfriend, has her pick of play partners, (all of whom are as intimidated as I am) and that awkwardness makes her hard to converse with, and yet somehow she sees something of interest here, and just wants to hang out and do normal things. She also gets a glint in her eye talking about piercings and eyeing my virginal skin, but she's just joshing.
...I think?
Friday, August 15, 2008
Choose your own adventure!
Someone you know, who you have told very clearly that you "could only be friends" has done her best to hold herself in check but has made a pass at you. Do you break her heart now and cut off all contact or try to compromise and almost certainly break her heart later anyways?
Do it now! turn to page 73
Do it later! turn to page 101
Fuck, I hate being put in this position. But you know? Some women must feel like this All. The. Time.
Do it now! turn to page 73
Do it later! turn to page 101
Fuck, I hate being put in this position. But you know? Some women must feel like this All. The. Time.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
So for Today's dating site adventure...
I had to give the brush off to someone I believe to be a closeted transsexual who wrote every communication in rhyme. It was like having the Riddler come on to you, in a bad dress.
Hey, they can't *all* be fun and titillating stories...
Hey, they can't *all* be fun and titillating stories...
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Kinky Karaoke!
Went out to a karaoke night in the West End and had a good time with a mixed poly/kinky group, of which I knew a few folks. Good and interesting to see a younger crowd., but man, am I out of practice. My guts were roiling (the bad chinese food may have helped there), and I had a hard tome getting a solid core of air, but got to do a couple faves:
I still have JC Superstar stuck in my head from Sunday, to boot.
Been up late pretty much every night the last several days, since discovering a couple of interesting dating sites. Taking a couple pages from Savage Love and seeing if I can meet people who are good folks first and GG second. It's worth a shot...
I still have JC Superstar stuck in my head from Sunday, to boot.
Been up late pretty much every night the last several days, since discovering a couple of interesting dating sites. Taking a couple pages from Savage Love and seeing if I can meet people who are good folks first and GG second. It's worth a shot...
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Mr. Andersen, welcome back. We missed you.
Had a co-worker insult me to my face today, and frankly, I don't have to take that. I don't care how much experience you have; I've done the fucking legwork. Look, I've set things up the way I have set them up for a reason, and if you want me to change them, at least listen to my reasoning: because the fact is that I considered doing things your way, and rejected that approach, for actual reasons, and while you may disagree, I do have them. And if you won't let me finish a sentence of my explanation, say "I won't argue with you", and storm off calling me hopeless, all I can say is:
Enjoy doing it yourself, lady. In about...16 to 20 weeks. But I think you'll find that first step is a lu lu...and if you don't smarten the fuck up you'll find out a lot sooner.
Applied for PT/On Call at Large Public Library today. We will see.
Enjoy doing it yourself, lady. In about...16 to 20 weeks. But I think you'll find that first step is a lu lu...and if you don't smarten the fuck up you'll find out a lot sooner.
Applied for PT/On Call at Large Public Library today. We will see.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Happy Endings Ain't F' Wimps
Fans! is back. How did I miss this?
This is one of the oldest webcomics, and a few years ago went dark, putting its archives behind a paywall and wrapping up all its remaining loose ends. It seems to be back with a vengeance, and that particular theological argument (paywall or mechandising) seems to be settled.
Well, almost all its loose ends, except the question of how things would work out in its central relationship. And here's where I have a dilemma, as discussing that without giving away a major spoiler that only appears in the 1600th installment of an 1750 episode webcomic is a hard trick to pull off. But it's fair to say that this is one of the only mainstream portrayals of a non-vanilla relationship I know of, and one that treats kinkiness as a character trait, not a plot device or something to be overcome. This is s strip about Science Fiction Fans saving the world, after all, and next to all the other tpes of geekdon, an unconventional relationship seems to fit very naturally.
It's odd to me how much there seems to be a link between geekyness and kinkiness. Teak mentioned this a month ago, and Jaye's new friend mentioned it last week. And here again.
I need to dig into this more in writing, I think. Well, after I feed C's cats, do the recycling, and pack for tomorrow. God, I hate being a night owl at times. If I last at my job long enough to leave on my terms it will be a major miracle.
Useless, but not for long/ The future, is comin' on
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Well, it's not as if I mind that your heart ain't exactly breaking.
So it seems Lief had a pre-existing arrangement, which was very casual, but he's now asked to tighten things up a bit, and that's where she wants to spend her energy. I don't think Teak saw that coming when she tried putting the two (three?) of us together.
On the one hand, it's a shame, because our styles were pretty compatable, but on the other, I am still pretty messed up in a relationshippy sense, which is what I think Lief was starting to think about. And there were about 2 or 3 major deal breakers lurking like mines below the surface out in the medium distance- religion, drugs, and health, just for starters. So, that was an entertaining two weeks, anyway.
And well, on the other front, Teak has a girlfriend who she's crazy about, occasional urge to indulge boxing glove impulses with me or not, so better start investigating other baskets and the possibility of eggs to be put in.
Where does this leave me? Itches a little scratched, feeling a little better, but the fundamentals are unchanged. A little higher up the hill, a little bit more braced for when the next wave comes.
And once again, a bit numb.
It's Niece's birthday this weekend, so that should be a good time, if I can keep it from being a drain-Uncle-of-all-his-money fest...Ai ya.
On the one hand, it's a shame, because our styles were pretty compatable, but on the other, I am still pretty messed up in a relationshippy sense, which is what I think Lief was starting to think about. And there were about 2 or 3 major deal breakers lurking like mines below the surface out in the medium distance- religion, drugs, and health, just for starters. So, that was an entertaining two weeks, anyway.
And well, on the other front, Teak has a girlfriend who she's crazy about, occasional urge to indulge boxing glove impulses with me or not, so better start investigating other baskets and the possibility of eggs to be put in.
Where does this leave me? Itches a little scratched, feeling a little better, but the fundamentals are unchanged. A little higher up the hill, a little bit more braced for when the next wave comes.
And once again, a bit numb.
It's Niece's birthday this weekend, so that should be a good time, if I can keep it from being a drain-Uncle-of-all-his-money fest...Ai ya.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Reviews!
Thursday: Saw Spamalot, with friends. Excellent. Can't discuss without spoilers.
Friday: Saw The Dark Knight in IMAX, with friends. Excellent. Can't discuss without spoilers.
Saturday: Teak's out of town, so went to Rascal's with Lief. She has an excellent bed for chaining people to. Excellent. Can't discuss without spoilers.
Sunday: Had best Dim Sum in Vancouver, with Lief and roommate. Excellent. Highly recommended. Catsitting for C while she is away at brass camp. Watched Penn and Teller's Bullshit! Season One. Excellent. I don't beleve it's a spoiler to say they debunk a lot of bullshit.
Monday: The heat finally breaks a little, but my desk is Ice Station Zero. Bad news in the company family. Work itself awful and draggy. Bah. Procedures Manual. Writer's Block. Can't work from home with my machine having brain seizures. Not a gripping read. Thumbs down, way down.
Friday: Saw The Dark Knight in IMAX, with friends. Excellent. Can't discuss without spoilers.
Saturday: Teak's out of town, so went to Rascal's with Lief. She has an excellent bed for chaining people to. Excellent. Can't discuss without spoilers.
Sunday: Had best Dim Sum in Vancouver, with Lief and roommate. Excellent. Highly recommended. Catsitting for C while she is away at brass camp. Watched Penn and Teller's Bullshit! Season One. Excellent. I don't beleve it's a spoiler to say they debunk a lot of bullshit.
Monday: The heat finally breaks a little, but my desk is Ice Station Zero. Bad news in the company family. Work itself awful and draggy. Bah. Procedures Manual. Writer's Block. Can't work from home with my machine having brain seizures. Not a gripping read. Thumbs down, way down.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Applecore
I also wrote this yesterday, and RMT kinda liked it. Who knows, I may need to prove authorship some day.
So, called Apple Care, they close at Six
Thus, went down to the Apple Store.
But, it seems we all need our appointments
If- we want to see the "Genius Bar" for service.
"Yeah, you can make an appointment online", says the iClerk.
"But, my computer's broken." I then say.
"Gee, that's too bad," says the nervous blueshirt,
"Here, use our internet" he goes on.
"Okay, there's my contact info" says I,
"Whoops, no space today", he then opines.
"Hey, it only shows Thursday Friday", I note.
"Yeah, I guess just two days at a time-
Hey! whatabout tomorrow night or Friday"?
"No, I'm not free till Saturday", I then sigh,
"This", I make a gesture, "is a bad business model"
"Gosh", says iClerk Stephen, chastened.
"But," I'm trying, "can't I just drop it off here?"
"No", he checks with someone orange,
"No, it takes time to take your info"
Fuck, I'm thinking, how much fucking info?
"Here", says Stephen, quickly, "our card with web address"
Again, I'm thinking, My computer's busted
"Thanks", I say and smile but don’t quite mean it,
Out, I walk, while thinking to myself,
Damn, this place sure looks like Mammon,
Mammon, with these yuppies groping touchscreens,
Gasping, like they've never fucked before.
So, called Apple Care, they close at Six
Thus, went down to the Apple Store.
But, it seems we all need our appointments
If- we want to see the "Genius Bar" for service.
"Yeah, you can make an appointment online", says the iClerk.
"But, my computer's broken." I then say.
"Gee, that's too bad," says the nervous blueshirt,
"Here, use our internet" he goes on.
"Okay, there's my contact info" says I,
"Whoops, no space today", he then opines.
"Hey, it only shows Thursday Friday", I note.
"Yeah, I guess just two days at a time-
Hey! whatabout tomorrow night or Friday"?
"No, I'm not free till Saturday", I then sigh,
"This", I make a gesture, "is a bad business model"
"Gosh", says iClerk Stephen, chastened.
"But," I'm trying, "can't I just drop it off here?"
"No", he checks with someone orange,
"No, it takes time to take your info"
Fuck, I'm thinking, how much fucking info?
"Here", says Stephen, quickly, "our card with web address"
Again, I'm thinking, My computer's busted
"Thanks", I say and smile but don’t quite mean it,
Out, I walk, while thinking to myself,
Damn, this place sure looks like Mammon,
Mammon, with these yuppies groping touchscreens,
Gasping, like they've never fucked before.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Soviet Akihabara
Better today. The sunlight doesn't bother me, and the black dog seems to be at bay. For now.
Took my broken Mac Mini down to the Apple Store, and ran into a brick wall, with the chipper but helpless iClerk completely unable to do anything, as imprisoned in his script as any bishoojo shopgirl I met in Tokyo, his faintly panicked smile exactly like those I saw when some hapless teenager was wondering what to do with the crazy crazy Gaijin who just kept wandering all over the invisible lane markers on the highway of shared cultural assumptions, always wanting to know why. Asking those horrible, horrible why questions. The staff are wonderful, the service friendly, but they literally cannot do a thing once you jump the tracks of their little customer service script. And the script requires you to make an appointment online to get your machine serviced.
What the propellerheads at Apple never seem to have contemplated is:
1) If someone's computer is not working, their internet access is likely to be nil.
and
2) Even if you let people use the store computer, if your store refuses to see anyone without an appointment, it may be a good idea to let people book an appointment more than 48 hours in advance.
not to mention
3) Some computer problems really do not require a half hour appointment. They just need 5 minutes, as in: Hi, my computer's RAM is bad, I already ran a diagnostic using your tools, it's under warranty, here's my proof of purchase and my contact info, call me when it's ready. byyyeeee!
Took my broken Mac Mini down to the Apple Store, and ran into a brick wall, with the chipper but helpless iClerk completely unable to do anything, as imprisoned in his script as any bishoojo shopgirl I met in Tokyo, his faintly panicked smile exactly like those I saw when some hapless teenager was wondering what to do with the crazy crazy Gaijin who just kept wandering all over the invisible lane markers on the highway of shared cultural assumptions, always wanting to know why. Asking those horrible, horrible why questions. The staff are wonderful, the service friendly, but they literally cannot do a thing once you jump the tracks of their little customer service script. And the script requires you to make an appointment online to get your machine serviced.
What the propellerheads at Apple never seem to have contemplated is:
1) If someone's computer is not working, their internet access is likely to be nil.
and
2) Even if you let people use the store computer, if your store refuses to see anyone without an appointment, it may be a good idea to let people book an appointment more than 48 hours in advance.
not to mention
3) Some computer problems really do not require a half hour appointment. They just need 5 minutes, as in: Hi, my computer's RAM is bad, I already ran a diagnostic using your tools, it's under warranty, here's my proof of purchase and my contact info, call me when it's ready. byyyeeee!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Hello, again.
-It sounds like you're trying to use all this anger and negative energy and bend it to your own purposes, said Teak over dinner, last week.
That's right,
I say to her, as I have so many times, to myself,
I understand, from when my lover died ten years ago, grief is a kind of poison. I'm not going to sit in my apartment, and wait for the black dog to show up.
-But the black dog is here with you already. It already has its teeth in your throat.
...
I can't recall what I said to that. I think I just listened, and let her speak of when her heart was ripped out, not so long ago.
But something is breathing down my neck today, for sure.
That's right,
I say to her, as I have so many times, to myself,
I understand, from when my lover died ten years ago, grief is a kind of poison. I'm not going to sit in my apartment, and wait for the black dog to show up.
-But the black dog is here with you already. It already has its teeth in your throat.
...
I can't recall what I said to that. I think I just listened, and let her speak of when her heart was ripped out, not so long ago.
But something is breathing down my neck today, for sure.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Line of the night
-So, what would the Catholic Church think of you going out with a Pagan Priestess?
I think they'd be fine with it, so long as I felt sufficently guilty and confessed afterwards. Not like I'd be able to escape, really.
-True. And you could always confess to me.
That could work.
Also note, recovering heartbreak victims, if someone says
"Hey, wanna go to Vegas sometime?"
and your first thought is
OHMIGODSHEWANTSTOGOTOVEGASANDGETMARRIED,
No, it's just you, freaking out, and yes,
it means you are still kinda f'ed up.
And on that note, yes, C is just fine.
I think they'd be fine with it, so long as I felt sufficently guilty and confessed afterwards. Not like I'd be able to escape, really.
-True. And you could always confess to me.
That could work.
Also note, recovering heartbreak victims, if someone says
"Hey, wanna go to Vegas sometime?"
and your first thought is
OHMIGODSHEWANTSTOGOTOVEGASANDGETMARRIED,
No, it's just you, freaking out, and yes,
it means you are still kinda f'ed up.
And on that note, yes, C is just fine.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Clumsy. Or, yeah, before stepping into mid-air, let's just make note of this moment...
So, I have LD's birthday party at 5, Then afterwards Lief is coming over for dinner and ?, Teak may be joining us if she's free, and on the tail end of that IM conversation, C innocently messaged and asked what I was doing tonight. I really hope that wasn't the sound of her vanilla crush finally smashing against the brick wall of how things are. Sigh. I like you, but I can only protect you from yourself so much, kiddo. I thought you'd gotten over that. I hope I'm just imagining things...
I'm worried enough - or precoccupied enough - with me, Lief, and Teak and how that's gonna play out. I think when two hungry hungry people sit down to dinner, it's hard to focus on planning the menu and waiting for your dining companion, rather than just diving headfirst into the buffet. And yet, here we are sitting down to dinner anyway.
Speaking of which, better stop by the drugstore...just in case. Lief is ravenous, after all.
Damn, this stuff is so very complicated. A function of the complexity of the personalities involved, I am sure, but still...
I'm worried enough - or precoccupied enough - with me, Lief, and Teak and how that's gonna play out. I think when two hungry hungry people sit down to dinner, it's hard to focus on planning the menu and waiting for your dining companion, rather than just diving headfirst into the buffet. And yet, here we are sitting down to dinner anyway.
Speaking of which, better stop by the drugstore...just in case. Lief is ravenous, after all.
Damn, this stuff is so very complicated. A function of the complexity of the personalities involved, I am sure, but still...
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