Ripcords

So, went in to work today and pretty much realized I would be a basket case -wait, I should back up.

So, after not getting much sleep the last couple days, I found myself on Facebook getting unsolicited advice from my first high school crush about how to get on with my life now. It's beyond weird at this point, how Facebook can seemingly collapse time and space so the different eras and areas of your life can interact almost at will. Even in my state, I know this is not the natural order of things. I note the time, yelp, and bolt out to the laundromat, where my clothes are drying. Of course, I arrive too late and my stuff's locked up overnight. No problem, I'll pick it up when they open at 7AM. Then, of course, comes several hours of trying to get to sleep, explaining myself to no one in the dark while the cat circles, entirely convinced I've lost my mind.

Sure enough, when I stagger out of bed and get to the laundromat, they've decided not to open today until what I presume will be 8ish. I stop by the bank, transfer some money, then go to get a coffee, then realize my card is locked inside the bank machine.

So, back to the bank at 7:50, where an employee assures me I can get the card once different staff arrive at 8:30. And of course, the laundromat is still closed at 8.

So, home, grab a shower, back to the bank, grab the crad, grab the clothes from the laundromat, hustle to work, throw appropriate pants on and sit down at 9 sharp to try and keep myself occupied.

I'm immediately struck by three things:

1)There is NOTHING on my docket.
2)I am still completely exhausted.
3)I am in fact, a basket case, and keep having to stop and get ahold of myself when the salutory effects of documenting a program error keyword proves insufficent to distract my forebrain from the implosion of my personal life.

So, after an hour and a half of shredding stuff and generally keeping a grip on things (usually my desk, with white kuckles at times) I make it to the 10:30 staff meeting, where comes the news that senior implementer M is quitting, and thus I am suddenly next in line to head the section. My dreams of quietly thinking things over for a couple weeks are up in flames, so I ask to meet with the Vice President, who although she doesn't know it, is now my Ex-Prospective-Stepmother-In-Law.

I somehow manage to outline the basic situation without breaking down entirely (minus the whole "other person" thing, which is really not my conversation to have) and take the week off, mentioning that given the circumstances, I'm prepared to stay on for the rest of the year, but will likely move on around the new year. So just like that, the ripcord comes out, the parachute fires, and I've begun the process of leaving a job that, while it had its moments, was definitely unhealthy for me. Huh. So now I have 7 months to solve the riddle of what the hell to do next in my oh-so-Gen-X uncareer. I couldn't get anything when I left grad school that was remotely a)local and b)anywhere near any of my fields, so let's see if things are any less crazy now.

I guess that big thing way down there is the ground. I wonder if it will be friends with me.